Couple’s Travel Tips: The Importance Of Alone Time

Alone time during an overseas trip is a tad taboo for some couples and although I believe it’s important it can easily be mistaken as counterintuitive. You’ve travelled the world to go on an adventure together; so why the hell is it so important to give each other a break from the person you’re allegedly in love with?

To put it simply, the reason it’s important to have alone time while travelling with your partner is to decrease the chance that you’ll crack the shits with each other. I try to keep the swearing to a minimum on this website but that’s the simplest way I can say it. It happens when we’re deciding where to eat or figuring out the correct directions. Not quite a fight, often a final straw and rarely rational; cracking the shits (CTS).

Images capture how quick CTS can happen in real time.

Why We CTS With Our Partner While Travelling

Ordinarily, my partner Katie and I really don’t fight when we’re not on the road. The odd glance gets exchanged when we’re with friends and they’re talking about hall passes and I say the chick on the box of Redheads matches would be mine but apart from that we’re all good. However, during our four and half month long trip around Europe and Asia things started getting hard at around one month in.

A shrug looked like a roll of the eyes, neutrality was often mistaken for indifference and sarcastic comments which once would have been funny now seemed cold and calculated.

Neither of us were to blame for this, the reason we were so on each others toes is because we were spending every minute together. At home, one of us disappears to work during the day, returning to someone who is as genuinely excited to see them as they are. This wasn’t happening during our trip and was the reason our fuses were so short.

La Fontaine de Belleville cafe in Paris was a great place for me to spend some solo time writing. Also went with Katie she could could get this photo of me attempting brooding.

How Does Alone Time Help?

Author Erika Owen explains the benefits of solo travel stating “In my situation, I needed a solo trip to a favourite place to recentre myself as a writer and a human.” While I don’t necessarily feel the need to make a solo trip to Iceland like Erika did, I certainly did appreciate a little time to myself during mine and Katie’s big trip.

Personally, I found that a bit of alone time helped lengthen that fuse that had become oh-so-short during the longest trip of our lives.

I do think it’s a little bit of that cliché ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ but it’s also a bit of what Erika said about recentring, reminding yourself that you aren’t just 50% of a couple, you’re 100% of you who is capable of walking around and doing your own thing.

Additionally, perhaps obviously, I wasn’t just giving me a break from Katie, I was giving Katie a break from me. Any time I spent by myself in a cafe, asking the staff stupid questions about the movie that was filmed nearby in the ‘80s is time Katie doesn’t have to stand there making an apologetic face and hoping I don’t find the movie on a streaming service later (something that could honestly end in another row).

An image of us enjoying each others company to make it clear that fighting and the need for alone are an occasional thing for us and not the frequent hobby this article may suggest. Cafe Wanderer, Nuremberg

Should We Do Alone Time If We Don’t Fight?

Absolutely. I recommend taking alone time as a preventative measure, not something that you only do after you’ve CTS. Even if you never fight (and are reading this gloating) alone time for a couple of hours once a week is a great way to keep that mighty fuse nice and long.

Depart in a good mood, catch up later and talk about what you’ve done while you are away. It’ is likely something that you haven’t done since you knocked off on that glorious last day of work and something that should be part of a healthy relationship in my unprofessional opinion.

Some photos of Milan I took while out for a solo walk.

What Should I Do With My Alone Time?

The great thing is that it’s all up to you my friend.

I’m a big fan of drawing and writing as an outlet while travelling but a little people watching can be nice when pencil deficient. Simply go for a coffee or a walk, take some photos and enjoy the novelty of temporarily being a solo traveller.

Alternatively, you can think of it backwards; what are the things your partner doesn’t like to do? If they can’t stand museums or galleries then plan an afternoon in one of those. Do they not enjoy shopping? Some well saved for retail therapy will suit you. Do they hate gazebos? Just kidding, who in hell hates gazebos but you get the idea.

In a sentence, do what feels right for you and do something that feels fun. For me, it was sitting in a cafe coming up with ideas for the comedy website I write for for an hour or two. I would do this once or twice a week and not only did it help Katie and I lengthen our fuses, I got to try sweets I might not have, observe things I may have missed and return to Katie with stories and recommendations.

Some time apart can really enhance the time together and (hopefully) eliminate any time spent CTS.